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The resulting consent and understanding is occasionally summarized in a written " contract ", which is an agreement of what can and cannot take place. In general, BDSM play is usually structured such that it is possible for the consenting partner to withdraw his or her consent at any point during a scene;  for example, by using a safeword that was agreed on in advance.
Failure to honor a safeword is considered serious misconduct and could even change the sexual consent situation into a crime, depending on the relevant law,  since the bottom or top has explicitly revoked his or her consent to any actions that follow the use of the safeword see Legal status.
For other scenes, particularly in established relationships, a safeword may be agreed to signify a warning "this is getting too intense" rather than explicit withdrawal of consent; and a few choose not to use a safeword at all. This model for differentiating among these aspects of BDSM is increasingly used in literature today.
Individual tastes and preferences in the area of human sexuality may overlap among these areas, which are discussed separately here. Bondage and discipline are two aspects of BDSM that do not seem to relate to each other because of the type of activities involved, but they have conceptual similarities, and that is why they appear jointly.
The term bondage describes the practice of physical restraint. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. Bondage can also be achieved by spreading the appendages and fastening them with chains or ropes to a St.
Andrew's cross or spreader bars. The term discipline describes psychological restraining, with the use of rules and punishment to control overt behavior. Another aspect is the structured training of the bottom. It explores the more mental aspect of BDSM. This is also the case in many relationships not considering themselves as sadomasochistic; it is considered to be a part of BDSM if it is practiced purposefully.
The range of its individual characteristics is thereby wide. Often, " contracts " are set out in writing to record the formal consent of the parties to the power exchange, stating their common vision of the relationship dynamic. Such documents have not been recognized as being legally binding, nor are they intended to be.
These agreements are binding in the sense that the parties have the expectation that the negotiated rules will be followed. Often other friends and community members may witness the signing of such a document in a ceremony, and so parties violating their agreement can result in loss of face, respect or status with their friends in the community.
In general, as compared to conventional relationships, BDSM participants go to great lengths to negotiate the important aspects of their relationships in advance, and to take great care in learning about and following safe practices. The term sadomasochism is derived from the words sadism and masochism. These terms differ somewhat from the same terms used in psychology, since those require that the sadism or masochism cause significant distress or involve non-consenting partners.
Sadism describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain , degradation, humiliation on another person or causing another person to suffer. On the other hand, the masochist enjoys being hurt, humiliated, or suffering within the consensual scenario. The terms sadism and masochism are derived from the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch , based on the content of the authors' works.
Although the names of de Sade and Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism and masochism respectively, the scenes described in de Sade's works do not meet modern BDSM standards of informed consent. The concepts presented by de Sade are not in accordance with the BDSM culture, even though they are sadistic in nature. With his work the originally theological terms "perversion", "aberration" and "deviation" became part of the scientific terminology for the first time.
In , Sigmund Freud described "sadism" and "masochism" in his Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality as diseases developing from an incorrect development of the child psyche and laid the groundwork for the scientific perspective on the subject in the following decades. In the later 20th century, BDSM activists have protested against these conceptual models, as they were derived from the philosophies of two singular historical figures.
Both Freud and Krafft-Ebing were psychiatrists; their observations on sadism and masochism were dependent on psychiatric patients, and their models were built on the assumption of psychopathology. Advocates of BDSM [ who? On a physical level, BDSM is commonly misconceived to be "all about pain". Many BDSM activities might not involve any kind of pain or humiliation, but just the exchange of power and control. Some use the term "body stress" to describe this physiological sensation.
The philosopher Edmund Burke defines this sensation of pleasure derived from pain by the word sublime. There is a wide array of BDSM practitioners who take part in sessions for which they do not receive any personal gratification. They enter such situations solely with the intention to allow their partners to fulfill their own needs or fetishes. Professional dominants do this in exchange of money for the session activities, but non-professionals do it for the sake of their partners.
In some BDSM sessions, the top exposes the bottom to a wide range of sensual experiences, for example: The repertoire of possible "toys" is limited only by the imagination of both partners. To some extent, everyday items like clothes-pins , wooden spoons or plastic wrap are used as pervertables. Trust and sexual arousal help the partners enter a shared mindset. Aside from the general advice related to safe sex , BDSM sessions often require a wider array of safety precautions than vanilla sex sexual behaviour without BDSM elements.
In practice, pick-up scenes at clubs or parties may sometimes be low in negotiation much as pick-up sex from singles bars may not involve much negotiation or disclosure. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework of both acceptable and unacceptable activities. Safewords are words or phrases that are called out when things are either not going as planned or have crossed a threshold one cannot handle. They are something both parties can remember and recognize and are, by definition, not words commonly used playfully during any kind of scene.
Words such as no , stop , and don't , are often inappropriate as a safeword if the roleplaying aspect includes the illusion of non-consent. The most commonly used safewords are red and yellow , with red meaning that play must stop immediately, and yellow meaning that the activity needs to slow down.
BDSM participants are expected to understand practical safety aspects. For instance, they are expected to recognize that parts of the body can be damaged, such as nerves and blood vessels by contusion , or that skin that can be scarred.
Using crops, whips, or floggers , the top's fine motor skills and anatomical knowledge can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom and a highly unpleasant experience that may even entail severe physical harm. It is necessary to be able to identify each person's psychological " squicks " or triggers in advance to avoid them. Such losses of emotional balance due to sensory or emotional overload are a fairly commonly discussed issue.
It is important to follow participants' reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly. Safewords are one way for BDSM practices to protect both parties. However, partners should be aware of each other's psychological states and behaviors to prevent instances where the "freakouts" prevent the use of safewords. At one end of the spectrum are those who are indifferent to, or even reject physical stimulation. At the other end of the spectrum are bottoms who enjoy discipline and erotic humiliation but are not willing to be subordinate to the person who applies it.
The bottom is frequently the partner who specifies the basic conditions of the session and gives instructions, directly or indirectly, in the negotiation, while the top often respects this guidance. Other bottoms often called "brats" try to incur punishment from their tops by provoking them or "misbehaving". Nevertheless, a purist "school" exists within the BDSM community, which regards such "topping from the bottom" as rude or even incompatible with the standards of BDSM relations.
BDSM practitioners sometimes regard the practice of BDSM in their sex life as roleplaying and so often use the terms "play" and "playing" to describe activities where in their roles.
Play of this sort for a specified period of time is often called a "session", and the contents and the circumstances of play are often referred to as the "scene". It is also common in personal relationships to use the term "kink play" for BDSM activities, or more specific terms for the type of activity. The relationships can be of varied types. Early writings on BDSM both by the academic and BDSM community spoke little of long-term relationships with some in the gay leather community suggesting short-term play relationships to be the only feasible relationship models, and recommending people to get married and "play" with BDSM outside of marriage.
A study, the first to look at these relationships, fully demonstrated that "quality long-term functioning relationships" exist among practitioners of BDSM, with either sex being the top or bottom homosexual couples were not looked at. Amongst the respondents, it was typically the bottoms who wanted to play harder, and be more restricted into their roles when there was a difference in desire to play in the relationship. Many of those engaged in long-term BDSM relationships learned their skills from larger BDSM organizations and communities  There was a lot of discussion by the respondents on the amount of control the top possessed in the relationships with almost non-existent discussion of the top "being better, or smarter, or of more value" than the bottom.
The respondents valued themselves, their partners, and their relationships. All couples expressed considerable goodwill toward their partners. The power exchange between the cohorts appears to be serving purposes beyond any sexual satisfaction, including experiencing a sense of being taken care of and bonding with a partner.
The study further goes on to list three aspects that made the successful relationships work: A professional dominatrix or professional dominant , often referred to within the culture as a "pro-dom me ", offers services encompassing the range of bondage, discipline, and dominance in exchange for money.
The term "dominatrix" is little-used within the non-professional BDSM scene. A non-professional dominant woman is more commonly referred to simply as a "domme", "dominant", or " femdom " short for female dominance. There are also services provided by professional female submissives "pro-subs". A professional submissive consents to her client's dominant behavior within negotiated limits, and often works within a professional dungeon.
Professional submissives , although far more rare, do exist. However it is much more rare to find a male in this profession. A male "pro-dom" typically only works with male clientele. A BDSM activity can, but need not, involve sexual activity or sexual roleplay. A characteristic of many BDSM relationships is the power exchange from the bottom to the dominant partner, and bondage features prominently in BDSM scenes and sexual roleplay.
Thus someone who is on 'the Scene', and prepared to play in public, might take part in 'a scene' at a public play party. BDSM elements may involve settings of slave training or punishment for breaches of instructions.
A scene can also take place in a club, where the play can be viewed by others. When a scene takes place in a public setting, it may be because the participants enjoy being watched by others, or because of the equipment available, or because having third parties present adds safety for play partners who have only recently met.
Standard social etiquette rules still apply when at a BDSM event, such as not intimately touching someone you do not know, not touching someone else's belongings including toys , and abiding by dress codes. A specific scene takes place within the general conventions and etiquette of BDSM, such as requirements for mutual consent and agreement as to the limits of any BDSM activity. This agreement can be incorporated into a formal contract. In addition, most clubs have additional rules which regulate how onlookers may interact with the actual participants in a scene.
As is the general rule in BDSM, these are founded on the catchphrase "safe, sane, and consensual". BDSM play parties are events in which BDSM practitioners and other similarly interested people meet in order to communicate, share experiences and knowledge, and to "play" in an erotic atmosphere.
The requirement for such dress codes differ. While some events have none, others have a policy in order to create a more coherent atmosphere and to prevent onlookers from taking part. At these parties, BDSM can be publicly performed on a stage, or more privately in separate "dungeons". Andrew's crosses or similar restraining constructs , spanking benches, and punishing supports or cages are often made available. The problem of noise disturbance is also lessened at these events, while in the home setting many BDSM activities can be limited by this factor.
In addition, such parties offer both exhibitionists and voyeurs a forum to indulge their inclinations without social criticism. Sexual intercourse is not permitted within most public BDSM play spaces or not often seen in others, because it is not the emphasis of this kind of play. In order to ensure the maximum safety and comfort for the participants certain standards of behavior have evolved; these include aspects of courtesy , privacy , respect and safewords.
This scene appears particularly on the Internet, in publications, and in meetings such as at fetish clubs like Torture Garden , SM parties, gatherings called munches , and erotic fairs like Venus Berlin. The weekend long festivities include a wide range of sadomasochistic erotica in a public clothing optional space between 8th and 13th streets with nightly parties associated with the organization. There are also conventions such as Living in Leather and Black Rose. It has often been assumed that a preference for BDSM is a consequence of childhood abuse.
Research indicates that there is no evidence for this claim. There is also a link between transgender individuals who have been abused and violence occurring in BDSM activities .
For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure see: A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist.
It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms. It's a problem only if it is getting that individual into difficulties, if he or she is not happy with it, or it's causing problems in their personal or professional lives. If it's not, I'm not seeing that as a problem.
But assuming that it did, what I would wonder about is what is his or her biology that would cause a tendency toward a problem, and dynamically, what were the experiences this individual had that led him or her toward one of the ends of the spectrum. It is agreed on by some psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages.
Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. The prevalence of sadomasochism within the general population is unknown. Despite female sadists being less visible than males, some surveys have resulted in comparable amounts of sadistic fantasies between females and males.
Following a phenomenological study of nine individuals involved in sexual masochistic sessions who regarded pain as central to their experience,  sexual masochism was described as an addiction-like tendency, with several features resembling that of drug addiction: It was also demonstrated how the first masochistic experience is placed on a pedestal, with subsequent use aiming at retrieving this lost sensation, much as described in the descriptive literature on addiction.
The addictive pattern presented in this study suggests an association with behavioral spin as found in problem gamblers. BDSM is practiced in all social strata and is common in both heterosexual and homosexual men and women in varied occurrences and intensities. Estimation on the overall percentage of BDSM related sexual behaviour vary but it is no longer [ when? A representative study done from to in Australia found that 1.
Of the entire sample, 1. BDSM activity was significantly more likely among bisexuals and homosexuals of both sexes. But among men in general, there was no relationship effect of age, education, language spoken at home, or relationship status.
Among women, in this study, activity was most common for those between 16 and 19 years of age and least likely for females over 50 years. Activity was also significantly more likely for women who had a regular partner they did not live with, but was not significantly related with speaking a language other than English or education.
Thus both black leather clothing, sexual jewellery such as chains and dominance roleplay appear increasingly outside of BDSM contexts. The diagnostic guidelines for the ICD state that this class of diagnosis should only be made "if sadomasochistic activity is the most important source of stimulation or necessary for sexual gratification". This was followed by Sweden in , Norway in and Finland The population with related fantasies is believed to be even larger.
The ICD is in the process of revision, and recent drafts have reflected these changes in social norms. Some people who feel attracted by the situations usually compiled under the term BDSM reach a point where they decide to come out of the closet, though many sadomasochists keep themselves closeted. Even so, depending upon a survey's participants, about 5 to 25 percent of the US population show affinity to the subject. Public knowledge of one's BDSM lifestyle can have devastating vocational and social effects persona non grata for sadomasochists.
Many face severe professional consequences if they are exposed, either voluntarily or involuntarily, as sadomasochists.
Within feminist circles the discussion has been split roughly into two camps: Some feminists have criticized BDSM for eroticizing power and violence, and for reinforcing misogyny. They argue that women who engage in BDSM are making a choice that is ultimately bad for women. They also state that the main point of feminism is to give an individual woman free choices in her life; which includes her sexual desire.
While some feminists suggest connections between consensual BDSM scenes and non-consensual rape and sexual assault , other sex-positive ones find the notion insulting to women. It is often mentioned that in BDSM, roles are not fixed to gender , but personal preferences. Finally, some people switch , taking either a dominant or submissive role on different occasions.
Several studies investigating the possibility of correlation between BDSM pornography and the violence against women also indicate a lack of correlation. As an example, Japan is listed as the country with the lowest sexual crime rate out of all the industrialized nations, despite being known for its distinct BDSM and bondage pornography see Pornography in Japan. In , the media coverage of Jack McGeorge showed that simply participating and working in BDSM support groups poses risks to one's job, even in countries where no law restricts it.
Nevertheless, it leads to a difficult psychological situation in which the person concerned can be exposed to high levels of emotional stress. In the stages of "self awareness", he or she realizes their desires related to BDSM scenarios or decides to be open for such. Some authors call this internal coming-out. Two separate surveys on this topic independently came to the conclusion that 58 percent and 67 percent of the sample respectively, had realized their disposition before their 19th birthday.
Other surveys on this topic show comparable results. While homosexuals have created support networks in the last decades, sadomasochistic support networks are just starting to develop in most countries.
In German speaking countries they are only moderately more developed. In the US Kink Aware Professionals KAP a privately funded, non-profit service provides the community with referrals to psychotherapeutic, medical, and legal professionals who are knowledgeable about and sensitive to the BDSM, fetish, and leather community. In the website and mailing list Datenschlag went online in German and English providing the largest bibliography , as well as one of the most extensive historical collections of sources related to BDSM.
They were, however, not any more likely to have been coerced, unhappy, anxious, or experiencing sexual difficulties. On the contrary, men who had engaged in BDSM scored lower on a psychological distress scale than men who did not.
There have been few studies on the psychological aspects of BDSM using modern scientific standards. Psychotherapist Charles Moser said there is no evidence for the theory that BDSM has common symptoms or any common psychopathology, emphasizing that there is no evidence that BDSM practitioners have any special psychiatric other problems based on their sexual preferences.
Problems do sometimes occur in the area of self classification by the person concerned. During the phase of the "coming-out", self-questioning related to one's own "normality" is quite common. This, combined with the fear of discrimination in everyday life, leads in some cases to a double life which can be highly burdensome.
At the same time, the denial of BDSM preferences can induce stress and dissatisfaction with one's own "vanilla"-lifestyle, feeding the apprehension of finding no partner. The wish to remove BDSM preferences is another possible reason for psychological problems since it is not possible in most cases.
Finally, the scientist states that BDSM practitioners seldom commit violent crimes. Moser's study comes to the conclusion that there is no scientific evidence, which could give reason to refuse members of this group work- or safety certificates, adoption possibilities, custody or other social rights or privileges.
The Swiss psychoanalyst Fritz Morgenthaler shares a similar perspective in his book, Homosexuality, Heterosexuality, Perversion He states that possible problems result not necessarily from the non-normative behavior, but in most cases primarily from the real or feared reactions of the social environment towards their own preferences.
Moser's results are further supported by Richters et al. The BDSM males reported higher levels of psychological well-being than the controls.
It was concluded that "BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with 'normal' sex. Not much empirical research has been done on gender differences or prevalence rates of categorized roles within BDSM. Though one Australian demographic study found higher rates of female participants than males, it can not be generalized. One common belief of BDSM and kink is that women are more likely to take on masochistic roles than men.
Roy Baumeister actually had more male masochists in his study than female, and fewer male dominants than female. The lack of statistical significance in these gender differences suggests that no assumptions should be made regarding gender and masochistic roles in BDSM. One explanation why we might think otherwise lies in our social and cultural ideals about femininity ; masochism may emphasize certain stereotypically feminine elements through activities like feminization of men and ultra-feminine clothing for women.
But such tendencies of the submissive masochistic role should not be interpreted as a connection between it and the stereotypical female role—many masochistic scripts do not include any of these tendencies. Baumeister found that masochistic males experienced greater: Trends also suggested that male masochism included more bondage and oral sex than female though the data was not significant.
Female masochists, on the other hand, experienced greater: The exclusiveness of dominant males in a heterosexual relationship happens because, historically, men in power preferred multiple partners. Finally, Baumeister observes a contrast between the 'intense sensation' focus of male masochism to a more 'meaning and emotion' centred female masochistic script.
Prior argues that although some of these women may appear to be engaging in traditional subordinate or submissive roles, BDSM allows women in both dominant and submissive roles to express and experience personal power through their sexual identities. In turn, Prior was able to answer whether or not these women found an incongruity between their sexual identities and feminist identity. Her research found that these women saw little to no incongruity, and in fact felt that their feminist identity supported identities of submissive and slave.
For them these are sexually and emotionally fulfilling roles and identities that, in some cases, feed other aspects of their lives. Prior contends that third wave feminism provides a space for women in BDSM communities to express their sexual identities fully, even when those identities seem counter-intuitive to the ideals of feminism.
Furthermore, women who do identify as submissive, sexually or otherwise, find a space within BDSM where they can fully express themselves as integrated, well-balanced, and powerful women. The researchers found the majority of females identified as heterosexual and submissive, a substantial minority were versatile—able to switch between dominant and submissive roles—and a smaller minority identified with the dominant role exclusively.
Though BDSM in itself can be considered a sexual orientation or identity, and is considered one by some of its practitioners,  the BDSM and kink scene is more often seen as a diverse pansexual community.
Often this is a non-judgmental community where gender, sexuality, orientation, preferences are accepted as is or worked at to become something a person can be happy with. Demographically, Nordling et al. The gay men also had higher incomes than the general population, and tended to work in white collar jobs while straight men tended toward blue collar ones. Because there were not enough female respondents 22 , no conclusions could be drawn from them. Sexually speaking, the same study by Nordling et al.
From the questionnaire, researchers were able to identify four separate sexual themes: Gay men preferred activities that tended towards hyper-masculinity while straight men showed greater preference for humiliation. As Nordling et al. In Steve Lenius' original paper he explored the acceptance of bisexuality in a supposedly pansexual BDSM community. The reasoning behind this is that 'coming-out' had become primarily the territory of the gay and lesbian, with bisexuals feeling the push to be one or the other and being right only half the time either way.
What he found in , was that people in BDSM were open to discussion about the topic of bisexuality and pansexuality and all controversies they bring to the table, but personal biases and issues stood in the way of actively using such labels.
A decade later, Lenius looks back on his study and considers if anything has changed. He concluded that the standing of bisexuals in the BDSM and kink community was unchanged, and believed that positive shifts in attitude were moderated by society's changing views towards different sexualities and orientations. But Lenius does emphasize that the pansexual promoting BDSM community helped advance greater acceptance of alternative sexualities.
Simula explains that practitioners of BDSM routinely challenge our concepts of sexuality by pushing the limits on pre-existing ideas of sexual orientation and gender norms. For some, BDSM and kink provides a platform in creating identities that are fluid, ever-changing.
Psychiatry has an insensitive history in the area of BDSM. There have been many involvements by institutions of political power to marginalize subgroups and sexual minorities. Sadism and masochism were also found in the personality disorder section. According to Kolmes et al. There has also been research which suggests BDSM can be a beneficial way for victims of sexual assault to deal with their trauma, most notably by Corie Hammers, but this work is limited in scope and to date, has not undergone empirical testing as a treatment.
Both terms were introduced to the medical field by German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing in his compilation of case studies Psychopathia Sexualis.
Pain and physical violence are not essential in Krafft-Ebing's conception, and he defined "masochism" German masochismus entirely in terms of control. This observation is commonly verified in both literature and practice; many sadists and masochists [ who?
However it has also been argued Deleuze, Coldness and Cruelty that the concurrence of sadism and masochism in Freud's model should not be taken for granted. Freud introduced the terms "primary" and "secondary" masochism. Though this idea has come under a number of interpretations, in a primary masochism the masochist undergoes a complete, not just a partial, rejection by the model or courted object or sadist , possibly involving the model taking a rival as a preferred mate.
This complete rejection is related to the death drive todestrieb in Freud's psychoanalysis. In a secondary masochism, by contrast, the masochist experiences a less serious, more feigned rejection and punishment by the model. Secondary masochism, in other words, is the relatively casual version, more akin to a charade, and most commentators are quick to point out its contrivedness. Rejection is not desired by a primary masochist in quite the same sense as the feigned rejection occurring within a mutually consensual relationship—or even where the masochist happens to be the one having actual initiative power this is the confusion of the distinctions of casual appearance and discrete motives which underlies the analyses of Deleuze and Sartre , for example.
Both Krafft-Ebing and Freud assumed that sadism in men resulted from the distortion of the aggressive component of the male sexual instinct. Masochism in men, however, was seen as a more significant aberration, contrary to the nature of male sexuality.
Freud doubted that masochism in men was ever a primary tendency, and speculated that it may exist only as a transformation of sadism. Sadomasochism in women received comparatively little discussion, as it was believed that it occurred primarily in men.
Both also assumed that masochism was so inherent to female sexuality that it would be difficult to distinguish as a separate inclination. Havelock Ellis , in Studies in the Psychology of Sex , argued that there is no clear distinction between the aspects of sadism and masochism, and that they may be regarded as complementary emotional states.
He also made the important point that sadomasochism is concerned only with pain in regard to sexual pleasure, and not in regard to cruelty, as Freud had suggested. In other words, the sadomasochist generally desires that the pain be inflicted or received in love, not in abuse, for the pleasure of either one or both participants.
This mutual pleasure may even be essential for the satisfaction of those involved. It is described as not simply pain to initiate pleasure, but violence—"or the simulation of involuntary violent acts"—said to express love.
This irony is highly evident in the observation by many, that not only are popularly practiced sadomasochistic activities usually performed at the express request of the masochist, but that it is often the designated masochist who may direct such activities, through subtle emotional cues perceived or mutually understood and consensually recognized by the designated sadist.
Deleuze's counterargument is that the tendency toward masochism is based on intensified desire brought on or enhanced by the acting out of frustration at the delay of gratification.
Taken to its extreme, an intolerably indefinite delay is 'rewarded' by punitive perpetual delay, manifested as unwavering coldness. The masochist derives pleasure from, as Deleuze puts it, the "Contract": The sadist, in contrast, derives pleasure from the "Law": The sadist attempts to destroy the ego in an effort to unify the id and super-ego , in effect gratifying the most base desires the sadist can express while ignoring or completely suppressing the will of the ego, or of the conscience.
Thus, Deleuze attempts to argue that masochism and sadism arise from such different impulses that the combination of the two terms is meaningless and misleading. A masochist's perception of their own self-subjugating sadistic desires and capacities are treated by Deleuze as reactions to prior experience of sadistic objectification. The epilogue of Venus In Furs shows the character of Severin has become embittered by his experiment in the alleged control of masochism, and advocates instead the domination of women.
Before Deleuze, however, Sartre had presented his own theory of sadism and masochism, at which Deleuze's deconstructive argument, which took away the symmetry of the two roles, was probably directed. Because the pleasure or power in looking at the victim figures prominently in sadism and masochism, Sartre was able to link these phenomena to his famous philosophy of the "Look of the Other".
Sartre argued that masochism is an attempt by the "For-itself" consciousness to reduce itself to nothing, becoming an object that is drowned out by the "abyss of the Other's subjectivity". Conversely, Sartre held sadism to be the effort to annihilate the subjectivity of the victim. That means that the sadist is exhilarated by the emotional distress of the victim because they seek a subjectivity that views the victim as both subject and object.
This argument may appear stronger if it is understood that this "look of the other" theory is either only an aspect of the faculties of desire, or somehow its primary faculty. This does not account for the turn that Deleuze took for his own theory of these matters, but the premise of "desire as 'look'" is associated with theoretical distinctions always detracted by Deleuze, in what he regarded as its essential error to recognize "desire as lack"—which he identified in the philosophical temperament of Plato, Socrates, and Lacan.
For Deleuze, insofar as desire is a lack it is reducible to the "look". In this view of sado-masochism, the violence of the practices are an expression of a peripheral rivalry that has developed around the actual love-object. There is clearly a similarity to Deleuze, since both in the violence surrounding the memory of mimetic crisis and its avoidance, and in the resistance to affection that is focused on by Deleuze, there is an understanding of the value of the love object in terms of the processes of its valuation, acquisition and the test it imposes on the suitor.
Nichols compiled some common clinical issues: Countertransference is a common problem in clinical settings. Therapists may feel intense disgust and aversive reactions. Feelings of countertransference can interfere with therapy. Another common problem is when clients conceal their sexual preferences from their therapists.
This can compromise any therapy. To avoid non-disclosure, therapists are encouraged to communicate their openness in indirect ways with literatures and artworks in the waiting room. Therapists can also deliberately bring up BDSM topics during the course of therapy. A special subgroup that needs counselling is the "newbie".
Individuals just coming out might have internalized shame, fear, and self-hatred about their sexual preferences. Therapists need to provide acceptance, care, and model positive attitude; providing reassurance, psychoeducation , and bibliotherapy for these clients is crucial. The average age when BDSM individuals realize their sexual preference is around 26 years. However, they may have married or had children by this point. Therefore, therapists need to facilitate couple's counselling and disclosure.
It is important for therapists to consider fairness to partner and family of clients. In situations when boundaries between roles in the bedroom and roles in the rest of the relationship blurs, a "bleed-through" problem has occurred.
Therapists need to help clients resolve distress and deal with any underlying problems that led to the initial bleed-through. Cuneiform texts dedicated to Inanna which incorporate domination rituals. In particular she points to ancient writings such as Inanna and Ebih in which the Goddess dominates Ebih , and Hymn to Inanna describing cross-dressing transformations and rituals "imbued with pain and ecstasy, bringing about initation [ sic? During the ninth century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia , one of the most important religious areas of ancient Sparta , where the Cult of Orthia , a pre olympic religion, was practiced.
Here ritual flagellation called diamastigosis took place, in which young adolescent men were whipped in a ceremony overseen by the priestess. Giving to a male with a strap-on is also known as pegging read our guide to pegging here.
Read our anal sex guide here. Anal toys worn under clothing: Check it out here to learn how. Autoerotic asphyxiation is self-choking. To be clear, asphyxiation is very dangerous and has led to injuries and deaths [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ]. See also breath play. Autoandrophilia is arousal at the idea of being a man. The term was coined as an improvement on cross-dressing kink and has been used to describe transgendered individuals, particularly as mentally ill.
TSRoad talks more about autogynephilia. Yoga can make this practice easier or possible according to Thrillist , and you can learn the history of autofellatio at Slate. Barebacking is especially common in the gay community, but this act can be dangerous and lead to STI transmission or pregnancy.
Learn how and why you should use a condom. Extreme bathroom control can be dangerous. This kink may be more popular than even kinksters realize according to these stories. Begging is submissive in nature. Belonephilia can be quite dangerous. See also knife play. The same as zoophilia according to Wikipedia.
Check out the 10 things you need to know before you blindfold your partner. Restraint can be full-body vacuum beds, suspension or involve a single body part such as the eyes blindfold , mouth ball gag , wrists or even thumbs.
Bondage may include furniture and devices. Reddit has a number of subreddits dedicated to the subject.
This may mean anything that changes the appearance of a body from tattoos to piercings to saline injections, but this kink may also only refer to specific body mods such as lip sewing. Learn more from Dr. Mark Griffiths or check out this post on Kinkly. Typically uses a heated object such as a metal hanger to produce the brand.
Torture may include hitting, pinching, bondage, and other methods of inflicting pain onto breasts. Fleshy areas such as the back of the thighs and butt are advised, but some people enjoy caning the bottoms of feet. Canes are traditionally made from wood, but modern canes may be made from plastic, metal or other semi-flexible materials. Caning is a form of impact play that is more extreme than typical flogging and may be dangerous if done improperly.
Kinky Ever After provides first-hand guidance for those who want to get into caning. You can also check out the Submeowsive post on caning, and making canes. Actual castration is incredibly dangerous. Most kinksters obsess over it without actually going through with it. It may be a form of punishment. CBT can involve shoes, sounding, stretching, impact implements and other tools. CBT can be dangerous. Women wear chastity belts, and men wear cock cages that prevent erection and release.
Also known as forced abstinence or forced celibacy. Chastity can be used as a form of self-denial or orgasm control. Learn more on Quora. Cara Sutra confesses to what she gets out of chastity. It is incredibly dangerous which we wrote about before — check out that post and can lead to brain damage.
Choking is a type of edge play: Danger and Play has a guide if you want to try. A person becomes aroused or experiences orgasm through confinement to small spaces. This is a type of bondage. You can enjoy this kink while lifting your skirt or dress, so your man penetrates you. Pushing underwear to the side can also be a form of this fetish. A particular variant of clothed sex is the clothed female, nude male CFNM fetish. This fetish involves verbal, physical and mental adoration of a penis — including fake ones strap-ons.
Collars may be placed on in public or private collaring ceremonies, and dominants may provide instructions for wearing collars. The collar may be an actual collar purchased from a pet store, one that is hand-tooled or a safe-for-work necklace or choker that can be worn in non-kinky spaces.
Rape play is a common form. Couples should negotiate boundaries beforehand , including a safe word. Consensual nonconsent should never be spontaneous. If negotiations are avoided or safe words ignored, consensual nonconsent can lead to real trauma or even become sexual assault.
Psst, interested in BDSM? Check out rules that keep it safe and sane. Tight-lacing a corset enables one to successfully waist-train. Some dominants may use tight-lacing to limit breathing. Cross-dressing can involves clothing, accessories, makeup, and wigs. A kink related to legs. Squashing kink is a similar obsession. Cunnilingus plays well with pussy worship. Fire or a hand-pump creates suction that results in temporary bruising and a tight feeling.
This is one of those kinks that works especially well with domination and submission. Discipline is a major part of many power exchange relationships and something typically desired by masochists and administered by sadists. Some people might not even consider it a fetish! Get tips for talking dirty here. Hyphephilia is a similar fetish for touching hair, fur, skin and certain fabrics.
Double penetration may be part of a group sex scenario MFM. Many Redditors are fans. Fantasy fetish companies such as Bad Dragon make dragon dildos, including those that ejaculate! Unlike double penetration DP , which is simultaneous anal and vaginal penetration, DVP involves two penises or one penis and one toy in the vagina.
It can be satisfying for all parties; although, it requires lube and preparation. In DVP, only one partner may have enough room to thrust. Any kink or fetish that is considered more risky or extreme.
Examples include choking, breath play, knife play, fire play, and any activity that results in bleeding. Learn more on Wikipedia and Vice. However, most people aside from those with pacemakers, heart issues, and other implants , can safely play with TENS units or violet wands to explore this kink. Sexpress tackles this subject. Enemas klismaphilia [ 5 ] [ 6 ]: Enemas may be used to prepare for anal activities, but this is not necessary.
An enema could be a form of punishment or control. Check out a post by Dr. Griffiths on this enemas. Masturbating for your partner is a mild form of this kink, but performing in sex windows or at BDSM shows and parties is a safe way to explore this fetish. Sex in public is partly exhibitionism. Related to agrexophilia, which is arousal when other people know about your sexual activities, and autagonistophilia, exposing oneself while on stage and being photographed.
The counterpart of voyeurism. A preoccupation with Geishas is common in the Western world, for example. Check out other ways to dominate your man. It must be peeled before it can be inserted anally or vaginally. Kinksters should be careful with hair, which can burn off and smell terrible consider shaving first. Fire play can be dangerous. BDSM Wiki breaks down the risks of fire play. Unlike the name suggests, your partner should start with your hand straight and thumb tucked under his fingers like a duck bill.
Fisting requires time, patience, trust and lots of lube. Depending upon the strength of the swing, flogging can range from warm-up to harsh impact that draws blood. Floggers tails come in many materials: Wikipedia has more on flogging and you can discover the history and chemical reactions of flogging here. Food play can be fun, but beware that playing with food near your vagina could contribute to a yeast infection.
More on that here. A fetish for food is known as sitophilia. You can learn more about food play at sexuality.
This may involve footjobs, licking and sucking, massaging. Foot worship in a power exchange scene can take the form of polishing shoes or boots even with a tongue or worshipping feet! Dr Griffiths writes about the foot fetish while some enthusiasts detail their experiences.
This fetish is a type of body modification fetish. Feederism specifically refers to men feeding women. One man may hold the penises together during this act. Furries dress as animals or humanoid animal creatures, sometimes decked head-to-toe in fur.
They often don animalistic dildos via strap-ons to enhance their furry play. Many furries engage in roleplay and cosplay as part of their lifestyle, which can become quite expensive. Gags come in many forms, but ball gags are the most common. They may also take the form of bit, cleave, pacifier, penis or spider gag, among others.
AskMen discusses this popular fetish here. Wanna try a threesome yourself? Find out how to make it awesome.
May include wounds, vampirism or biting to draw blood. It goes without saying that this one is obviously quite dangerous. Can be played as a role in consensual non-consent. Chrematistophilia is a similar kink for being forced to pay for sex.
They may be the victim to their roleplay partner robber, kidnapper, etc , or their partner may act as a savior think of a princess who needs saving or an inept housewife. Hitting, punching, spanking, flogging, whipping and paddling are just a few forms of impact play, and intensity varies with the tool and effort.
The Dominant Guide has an entire category for impact play. This can involve pacifiers, diapers, bottles, etc. A second person may act as a nanny or parent.
Our advice is to check out Wikipedia for information on this one. But STIs can be transmitted through semen even during anal sex. Intercrural or interfemoral sex: Intoxication can lead to poor decision-making, risky behavior and mistakes that could be dangerous or even fatal, especially when mixed with edge play. Many people find their levels of desire increase during storms.
Read more about it at The Debrief. Safety guides at BDSM wiki can help to prevent anything seriously dangerous from happening. This post from a Redditor offers advice on your knife play scene.
Many women enjoy the sensation of nipple suckling, and their partners enjoy breastfeeding. Learn how to breastfeed your man. You can find answers about this fetish on Quora and Wikipedia. They make for perfect fetish photography, too. Fortunately, you can get your kink on with the help of many retailers that specialize in latex gear and clothing.
Some may go so far as to imagine themselves as women in girl-on-girl scenarios. This may mean plus-sized, but it can mean giants in the realm of fantasy roleplaying and writing. This kink may also involve inserting penises in the armpit for stimulation.
Mark Griffiths breaks down the subject. Someone who feels this is known as a masochist. Masochists are often but not always submissive.
Play piercing is also common in medical play. Any play that breaks the skin can be dangerous if an infection occurs. This post on medical play at Kink Weekly explains more. In fact, they may prefer it. And they might like going down on a woman when she has her period. Learn more about menses kink here. Mess fetishists enjoy the mess created by sexual fluids, both male and female fluid. Kinksters enjoy when partners are much smaller than them or being the smaller partner.
Those who fall into the latter group may enjoy the feeling of being crushed during sex. Recording sex and mirrors are two ways to enjoy this kink. This thread on Reddit shows that many people enjoy this activity.
They might enjoy amputees, dwarves or people with other deformations. A vacuum bed can achieve full mummification as can plastic wrap, but it can be dangerous if bindings prevent airflow. Mummification can also involve extreme temperatures, so hydration is a must to do it safely. First-person POV account of mummification.
Kink Lovers has a mummification fetish FAQ. Muscle worship is one variant of this kink. Muscle worship on Wikipedia. Used underwear is a common example. Sexwiki looks into narratophilia as a possible disorder as well as a healthy kink. Wikipedia presents the various aspects of necrophilia. Blumhouse details five notable cases. Needles can also be used to scratch.