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My hunch is that there is something else going on. Or just thought that she would. God knows the world is filled with women RAILING about the evils of porn and how its emotional cheating and all sorts of other assorted b. Seriously, the baby is ONLY three months old. Are you even supposed to be having sex again at that point?
ALL the more reason he may be jerking off to Craigslist and not even bothering to tell her about it… Seriously. I think its unreasonable for you to expect a woman who is only three months post-partum to have turned back on her sexuality. Frankly, I agree with you that most commenters seem a little quick to write the guy off as a cheater. Kim October 31, , On the new mother thing, I feel I can weigh in as a new mother.
Second, if you are breastfeeding, your body releases hormones that reduce your sex drive to keep you from procreating before you are ready. These two things can combine to make it not that interesting to the woman to have sex or even other forms of playtime after having a baby. And as the woman in that situation, it can be just as frustrating for us because I like being a sexual person. And having that taken away for a few months was not great for me either.
Then this combines with the fact that you are super busy, sleep deprived, and taking care of another persons needs the entire day and makes it hard to want to take care of another persons i. Having said that, I have no problem with my husband looking at porn and entertaining himself. Also, my husband and I worked out an arrangement where we would both try to help meet eachothers needs post baby — his sexual, mine not. I make an extra effort for him and he makes an extra effort for me, and we are both happy.
The first few months are mostly just trying to survive with the new baby, and it was around the 3 month mark that we were able to start carving out extra time to make sure both our needs were being met. And really, months in the course of a long-term relationship is not a huge deal to put your needs on the backburner until things settle down. And I would expect my husband to discuss with me if his needs were not being met before overstepping any boundaries we had placed on our relationship.
For us — those boundaries include porn being okay, but contacting actual human beings as not okay. Oh — and on the actual letter, the only thing that really bothers me is that he was being secretive about it. I do know some women are against their spouse looking at porn, and if that was the boundary they agreed upon, he should refrain from looking at it.
SixtyFour October 31, , 1: Uh, because they just pushed a human being out of them, forgive them for not being up for putting a penis back inside them every damn day. Becuase they gained weight during pregancy and are having trouble seeing themselves as attractive anymore. He should have communicated his frustrations to her. BecBoo84 November 1, , Wish I could like this x BGM, take a minute to think about the fact that for however long a mother breastfeeds, she has to get up with the baby every single time it wakes up during the night.
And during those first three months, babies wake up a lot at night to eat, typically every 3ish hours or less , and nursing can taken anywhere from 30 minutes and longer for a lot of moms.
Not because he was looking to hook up or unhappy with me but because he was amazed at what was on there he said it was free porn. Of course the difference is he would tell me about the stuff he saw and would actually show some of it to me. I think the LW should definitely ask her husband about it. It may just be easy access to some free porn.
The fact that they have two very small children may also account for some of his actions. SarahKat October 31, , Your husband is looking at them to either troll for strange or get off on thinking about trolling for strange. Either way, red red red flaggy. Its a place where you find people to sleep with. Its a train station to sexy time. Uh, you can totally use it as porn though. Sadly, they are FEW and far between and this actually would account for scrolling through pages and pages of them… Many ads — usually the MEH ones are reposted ad nauseum… so it can take one a while to find a good one….
CatsMeow October 31, , I pretty much have only browsed the m4m casual encounters. And sure, I can see how browsing those is porn-like. But the straight ones are SOOO boring. In fact, I just looked at the w4m just now! Sure he can use craigslist to fantasize…. That is literally the only reason he would choose that over actual porn. There is real porn of all shapes and sizes he could be looking at instead.
One porn two porn red porn blue porn. On Craigslist the last thing I wanna see is pictures… Why? Hell, even most of those on there that do email people have no real intention of ever really hooking up. Write Dan Savage and see what he has to say. People do meet there and do have illicit affair… But truthfully? Those people are the exception — rather than the rule. SarahKat October 31, , 1: Which, whether he is a craigslist flake or not, is not good for a married man to want.
I just love the idea of cheating on you and look for opportunities to think about cheating on the wife of my two children more. As long as you are just wishing you could cheat on me as opposed to actually doing it of which I have no proof that you did not then our marriage is totally fine.
Troll for sex away! No such emails have been discovered, just an internet history that shows him perusing these ads. Fantasizing about hookups, and using ads to inform those fantasies, are still nothing more than daydreams.
I just think that I would not be ok with my partner needing to have the rush of actually meeting someone is he so chooses to get off. But I think we want the same thing, we want the LW to talk to her husband about it and figure out what he uses casual encounters for and why he needs that instead of actual porn. Not to mention gaps in reading comprehension. First, there is no proof, or even an allegation made by the LW that her husband is answering ads on Craigslist.
Second, nowhere do I say it is the fact that we are SO close to doing the act that is the turn on. Hell, I never even contact anybody… Honestly, where did you even get that from.
Seriously, does anybody on here know of a single women who has actually posted in the casual encounters section on craigslist? Yet alone followed through and banged some random she mets there? You can tell most of the people posting the ads on Craigslist are FLAKES just by the sheer repeats one encounters making return visits. You will often again and again see the same ad over and over and over. Such as blowing some random, nameless, hot guy in an alley. But… in real life?
Possible murder by some psychopath! Yeah, lots of things hold me back. Possible murder by a psychopath! Never seeing his kids other than weekends! Especially since there is ZERO evidence of any damning emails.
You all make lousy detectives — the lot of you — even Wendy. Everybody has sexual fantasies about other people. ElevenSeven October 31, , 6: I know three women who do this. Trixy Minx October 31, , 7: Alicia September 26, , 1: It looks so tempting so moist so good. Now, one of two things happens. You fill up on steak and go home dreaming about that piece of cake you never got.
Is that dark chocolate in the middle? You hate dark chocolate! The fantasy of what could be is the excitement.
I totally understand it. Some of the hottest things on CL are the well thought out ads. Sure, someone could post a dirty photo and their cell number saying to meet them at the seediest dirtiest motel.
But the ads where someone sat down, has a brain, thought out what they want and published the words of an arousing scenario. Those are the ones that get the heart racing. GatorGirl October 31, , 1: I have to agree with BGM on this one.
There is a chance that he is just using the ads for his spank bank. Some men prefer audio, some text, some video, heck even some cartoons for their alone time. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, even if they make no sense to other people. I do think that the fact he is being so secretive about his phone habits is a red flag though. Going out of your way to hide your phone from your partner makes me skeptical that he is only using the ads for self gratification and may or may not be meeting up with people.
The appeal of craigslist is not that its words, is that its real people asking for real sex. Nevermind the extra added bonys stimulation of Craigslist or — God forbid!
BGM the next time you accuse women of giving other women the benefit of the doubt and always blaming the guy…. As if most women would be just thrilled to learn that their husband is innocently jacking off to ads on Craigslist. Especially when they are insanely hormonal because they just gave a baby. Gee… why ever would he simply not want her to know about this… Gee, I wonder.
Is there truly no such thing as privacy in most straight relationships? Well, wowee, no wonder so many of them FAIL! His fantasy life is his fantasy life. God knows I have mine… End of story. There should be a balance, no? Neither gender should get do or demand whatever what they want while the other just has to suck it up and deal.
My husband and I are both open about porn, fantasies, etc. Same goes for my fantasy time and privacy. The LW just needs to have a conversation with her husband about this. Yes, I think this discussion at least in my mind has strayed a bit from the initial letter to a more general discussion about men and women in relationships together. Then we could both move on. If he theoretically is unwilling to do that, well, that would be his bad. If she had just found them because she was snooping with no reason, then that would be her own damn fault.
An elegant solution, perhaps, but it could be innocent. I agree that the general consensus is taking it too far, but I also think that BGM is taking it too far the other way. He could be cheating or he could be just whacking off. This is all your fault! Eh, we just see this issue differently. I see reading Craigslist ads and hiding the phone to be independent of each other. If he was hiding it from me I would be concerned. Being secretive is the red flag to me, not the materials he is reading.
Especially, if its all just fantasy. How does that help her? I mean, hey, if he also has a sexual fantasy about the barista down at Starbucks, does he need to tell her about that, too. After he reassures her, the matter should be closed and he gets his privacy back.
Its a balancing act, where both partners get their needs met, whether those needs are sexual or emotional. Now that she is concerned. They definitely need to talk about it.
Frankly, the fact that so many not you Ele4phant on here — Wendy included — have so casually and so quickly suggested to a hormonal, sleep deprived woman that — yes! GatorGirl October 31, , 3: You really honestly would not have a similar reaction if a person you were in a relationship suddently started hiding their phone from you? So I am definitely the wrong person to ask on this.
Also, I am not blaming the wife here. And yeah, by all means lets have a conversation about it. Like the other day I wanted to look up something his FB friend posted that he told me about, so I just picked it up and looked up the friend.
In the same car ride he asked me to pull up his e-mail account and find a specific one. The only thing I would ever hide from him is say a gift. Being broke and unhappy somehow surprisingly limits those that want to date you.
The good ones are all paired off. And now with all this gay rights nonsense getting legally married and having kids.
Plus, I hated cellphones at first. I was never that insecure. Well, not about that, anyway…. To use the classic example: Lindsay October 31, , Cheating spouses are not exactly the most honest people. SuzyQ October 31, , But I will now! I need a chuckle. Amber October 31, , 3: Kim November 1, , Kat October 10, , Hi I wante to warn all wives out there that men go on Craigslist casual encounters to cheat point blank. I am single and I went on there a few times just to see what it wa like out of curiosity.
Well let me tell you…within minutes I got response from many men. Most of which were married. One guy I did meet up with in a safe public place and did follow through with my encounter. He seemed legit but I found out in the end he was in a relationship with someone and said it just happend. Yeah whatever we know the story. Needless to say I totally am not interested in going on Craigslist anymore.
Get a clue ladies and it is a red flag when your husband is on there. No matter what, all I hear is denial. Most men are pigs. Defiant 1 January 28, , Well ladies my gf caught one add in my phone I looked at. Totally wrong for me to look. Our baby is due in a month just lost my family. Stay true even looking is wrong.
Stephi3 March 28, , 6: I got worried after my boyfriend kept hiding his phone from my view always putting it on his chest when I would walk in the room or take it everywhere he went even if it was to get a drink.
So I decided to go on his old phone since he recently got a new one and I saw on his web history the 15 minute quickies and escorts and stuff on Craigslist ads. How solution was to be more sexual. Im trying my hardest, I get sore down there very often im having more sex then I ever thought and he wants more.
Jackielee April 3, , 2: I found this page by searching the scenario boyfriend looks at casual encounters, and i have a very similar situation. Even before we moved in I picked up his phone and without snooping or searching I saw he was looking at these ads on craiglist, lots of them. He told me he was showing a friend at work how funny they are. The whole relationship he has been cruising through these ads every once in a while sometimes for just a day sometimes for longer.
This I know from looking in his history..
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