Just for hookups strings not attached

just for hookups strings not attached

Knowing and embracing why hook-ups can leave women feeling crappy is the first step to reversing the curse. Satisfying hook-ups are totally possible; they just take more than the right motivation and a sex-positive attitude, so read on to find out the things you need to keep in mind in order to have hook-ups you can feel great about.

The biggest key to ensuring a hook-up that will leave you feeling good is to self-assess. That may sound boring — who wants to do homework before getting down and dirty? Your well-being prospers when your behavior is consistent with your true desires, attitudes, values and beliefs. The same, she says, holds true for casual sex. Vrangalova says there are also several personal things to consider before determining if hooking up is right for you. She suggests evaluating yourself before setting out to hook up, taking into consideration your motivations for hooking up, how easily you get and stay aroused, how easily you get attached to sexual partners and how good you are at communicating your desires.

Plain and simple, a reason why a hook-up might leave you feeling mentally poor is because a hook-up left you feeling physically poor. And unfortunately, dissatisfaction from hook-ups is all too common for women.

In a study presented at the International Academy of Sex Research, researchers found that out of college students, women were twice as likely to orgasm during sex in serious relationships as they were during casual hook-ups. One possible explanation for this is that orgasms are the result of communication, and it is much easier to tell a long-term partner exactly how to please you than it is to tell a stranger.

Not to mention, alcohol is often a factor in college hook-ups, and drunk sex can be sloppy sex not exactly an equation for pleasure. Speaking up for your pleasure has its place in hook-ups, not just long-term relationships. Go into your hook-ups planning to communicate. We get it—a lot of the time, the point of a hook-up is to have a random, one-time fling, but not all hook-up candidates are created equal.

You should seek out a partner who will leave you feeling appreciated and secure. No one says your one-night stand has to be dating material, but according to Dr. Vrangalova, there are certain boys who are more likely to make you feel insecure or used after a hook-up, and those are the ones to avoid.

Even if you're seeking a committed relationship, casual sex is likely to happen along the way. Some people can emotionally handle casual sex and others can't. Still others tell themselves they can handle it, but are really sabotaging their search for something more meaningful. It's understandable why many singles don't want to give up sex entirely while looking for "The One" -- after all, that might take awhile. But there is no escaping the fact that sex complicates things. For many of us it complicates things a lot.

If you are seeking a committed relationship, sex can be especially complicated. Too often we expect that sex means the same thing to us and our partners, and this is not always the case. Here's my four part test to determine if casual sex is a bad idea for you. Before you sleep with that guy you're not in a relationship with, ask yourself: If I never hear from this person again, will I be OK with that?

A surefire way to know if you're being honest with yourself about your expectations when it comes to casual sex is to answer this crucial question. If your answer is 'yes,' then you're in the clear emotionally. You are able to separate the act of sex with a deeper emotional attachment. If your answer is no, don't do it! You are clearly hoping for something more than this person might be able or willing to give you.

Engaging in sex with someone you're not in a relationship with is a gamble, and you shouldn't gamble unless you can afford to lose. One likely scenario is you are hoping that your casual relationship might turn into something more serious. This is not unheard of, but going into it wishing and hoping for that is a bad strategy. You must learn to listen to what people tell you - and if their words and or actions are telling you they want to keep it casual -- believe them.

If the sex in question is with a friend or someone else who is likely going to be a continued presence in your life, modify this question to say: If this person tells me they are no longer willing or available to have sex with me, will I be OK with that? The same principle applies - if your friend with benefits falls in love with someone else next week, how will that make you feel? If it would make you feel badly, then you are more attached than you have admitted to yourself.

Am I able to communicate honestly with this person? I was recently asked by a woman if it was OK to ask a guy if he was sleeping with anyone else before she had sex with him. I often hear women say they don't want to ask if the relationship is going anywhere before sex for fear of "scaring him off". If asking that question scares a guy off, he is doing you a favor. Better you find out now then after you have slept with him and your feelings are even more pronounced.

You owe it to yourself and to your partner to find out if you're on the same page. The right man for you won't be deterred by your honest desire to have a relationship - he'll be psyched! If you feel uncomfortable asking about a potential partner's sexual activity, the status of your relationship, or communicating any boundaries or preferences you have, do not do it. Sex doesn't have to mean everything, but it is an intimate act that can have serious, life-changing consequences no matter how safe you endeavor to be.

You deserve the self-respect to make sure that your sexual partners respect you enough to make you feel heard and respected. If you can't honestly communicate with this person and you're still willing to have sex with them, it could be a sign of a bigger self-esteem issue that is holding you back from the love you are seeking.

Am I able to practice safe sex with this person? Even with all of the education we have in this day and age about STDs, to say nothing of pregnancy, unprotected sex is still the norm for many.

If you are about to engage in sex with someone who refuses to use protection, do not do it!

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Go into your hook-ups planning to communicate. We get it—a lot of the time, the point of a hook-up is to have a random, one-time fling, but not all hook-up candidates are created equal. You should seek out a partner who will leave you feeling appreciated and secure. No one says your one-night stand has to be dating material, but according to Dr. Vrangalova, there are certain boys who are more likely to make you feel insecure or used after a hook-up, and those are the ones to avoid.

How do you spot them? Sexist and slut-shaming men congregate in these environments more than any other college environment. Second, talk to them for a bit and see what their values about gender roles are. Do they love and respect all women, or do they only respect the virginal ones they are going to marry, but not the wild ones they only want to have sex with?

Just pay attention to how he discusses other girls around you. During sexual intercourse, the female brain releases a hormone called oxytocin. Sometimes known as the attachment hormone, oxytocin can induce feelings of love and closeness, so even if you had no romantic interest in your hook-up, your body might trick you into thinking that you do. Society might be moving in the right direction, but there is still very much a stigma surrounding women who enjoy active sex lives.

So how can you fight the stigma? Two, try to hook up with guys who will be respectful about your interest in casual sex and won't slut-shame you. Three, be as discreet about your exploits as you need to be given your social environment. Assessing your needs and motivations, communicating with your partner and being aware of problems that still exist in society is the perfect formula for feeling great about your hook-ups, both during and after. Her journalism poisons of choice are sex, relationships, fitness, entertainment and books especially YA , and she's excited to combine these passions somehow in that mythical "real world" everyone keeps talking about.

Skip to main content. If asking that question scares a guy off, he is doing you a favor. Better you find out now then after you have slept with him and your feelings are even more pronounced. You owe it to yourself and to your partner to find out if you're on the same page. The right man for you won't be deterred by your honest desire to have a relationship - he'll be psyched!

If you feel uncomfortable asking about a potential partner's sexual activity, the status of your relationship, or communicating any boundaries or preferences you have, do not do it. Sex doesn't have to mean everything, but it is an intimate act that can have serious, life-changing consequences no matter how safe you endeavor to be. You deserve the self-respect to make sure that your sexual partners respect you enough to make you feel heard and respected.

If you can't honestly communicate with this person and you're still willing to have sex with them, it could be a sign of a bigger self-esteem issue that is holding you back from the love you are seeking. Am I able to practice safe sex with this person? Even with all of the education we have in this day and age about STDs, to say nothing of pregnancy, unprotected sex is still the norm for many.

If you are about to engage in sex with someone who refuses to use protection, do not do it! This is a no-no even if you are a woman on the pill or some other form of birth control and your risk of pregnancy is low. She has any new sex partner take the tests before sex. And they still use condoms. Talk about being able to articulate your boundaries!

You don't have to have an at-home pharmacy if you don't want to, but at a bare minimum you should use condoms with any casual sex partners.

Talk to your doctor about appropriate birth control options for you. Love yourself enough to not succumb to pressure - anyone who is pressuring you to have unprotected sex does not respect you or themselves enough to be worthy of sleeping with you. Am I actively dating people who share my relationship goals? We often focus on the physical risks of sexual activity, but the emotional risks are just as high. For one, if you are using casual partners as a way to feel less lonely or to compensate for the intimacy you are seeking, there is a high likelihood you're holding yourself back.

It is a leap of faith to believe that you can have the love you are seeking. Using casual partners as a crutch is a signal to your unconscious self and to the universe that you are willing to settle for less. If you're willing to settle for less, that's usually what you get. If you are continually getting involved with people with whom a long-term relationship is not a possibility, you are in a pattern that is not going to lead to the relationship you want.

This is one of the biggest hazards of casual sex. It can be a sign your actions are out of alignment with your true desires. I have no moral objections to consenting adults having as much sex as they like with whomever they choose.

However, as a love coach, I work with many singles whose sex lives are in direct conflict with the relationship they're looking for. Nine times out of ten, my clients and I uncover multiple ways in which they're sabotaging themselves with casual sex. Of course there are no guarantees in romance.

Casual sex is not the only pitfall. We all know that not all committed relationships work out, either. But without that commitment -- that mutual desire to try to make it last -- you are taking an even bigger chance with your happiness. I want to live in a world where everyone who wants a committed, loving relationship has just that. When it comes to your sexual choices, be sure you are taking good care of your body, your heart and your soul!

Francesca is a love and lifestyle coach for singles. Get more dating advice, and even book a free session at www.

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